"Wow what a cute couple!!!"
"Made for each other"
"Awesome" [ with 'N' number of hashtags ]
If you are one of those people admiring facebook posts like that one and wishing fervently that it happens to you some day in the near future, I am here to throw some cold water on your face. And for those people who are double (my favourite term for those who are not single) right now, I don't give a damn. Love, dating, relationships... are way too overrated in this digital world. And social networking websites, Whatsapp, Snapchat and other communication monsters have convincingly sold this point to the larger population that it's the 'in' thing to find that special some one during college days or school days for posterity.
These buildups (a South Indian slang word which means building a mountain out of a mole hill) are usually followed up with some home-cooked stories about arranged marriage, all of them showing arranged marriages in bad light. Now that I am nearing 'that' age inevitably and interacting to some extent on those lines, the time has come to give some enlightenment to the world.
Now that the context is set, get ready for some gyaan!
Disclaimer 1: This is not going to be one of those articles that say '10 reasons why arranged marriage is the best thing in the world' kind of stuff. I am not that intelligent to come up with things like that out of nowhere. If you are in a serious relationship or anything like that out of choice or out of no other choice, reading beyond this is at your own risk. The author is not responsible for your retrospection post this! [அவசர பட்டுட்டோமோன்னு யோசிச்சா நான் பொறுப்பில்லை!]
My most intellectually stimulative post begins...
I have a strong liking for Strategy. It's the closest I can find to a game of Chess. So I ll play to my strengths.
Let's start with a scenario. A boy wants to find a girl for him, or the other way around (well, I don't want to sound patriarchal!). What all he should do? Find someone, interact, bring some Chemistry and blah blah. Without getting into the details, let's make a framework for this ordeal, so that our thinking is more organized.
We will call this framework - the resource based model of finding a spouse
First of all, resources are limited. You got to get down to reality once in a while. There's a lot of things to focus his efforts on - studies, career, hobbies, developing personality, self-discovery, planning for future, random travels, movies and what not. Where does he have the time for girls? Just for the sake of argument, I give him the benefit of doubt. He takes time to analyze his resources and capabilities and all the ground work required to find a girl. [ஆர்வ கோளாறு புடிச்சவன் ]
The hero, armed with his own insights, sets sights on some one he thinks will be the one for him. In other words, he wants to get into the industry where he believes he can outperform his competitors! [பஸ் இருந்தா கண்டிப்பா 100 பேர் ஓட்ட பாப்பான்!] Okay, some people who lack purpose in life might not jump into the 'one' on the first attempt. I would like to intervene here. If you want a trial and error method for this task, well, go ahead and waste your resources. Besides, this article is not about dating - this is about finding a spouse The aim of this post is to generate common sense and analyze this whole spouse-finding ordeal from a scientific perspective. Coming back to the framework, he finds a girl who gives him some hints - that's a good response to drive home his competitive advantage.
The hero wants to penetrate (purely from a marketing perspective, don't get me wrong) this niche market (girl), does some research and mental forecasting and wants to proceed. He goes ahead and spends time, money and efforts on this prospect (attractiveness). There's a clear lack of future planning in the initial stages, thinking is mostly short-term. Similar to what happens to most startup companies, a strategic focus is missing in the initial stages. The journey goes on mundane tasks like meeting for coffee, chilling out in the beach, texting, snapchatting, so on and so forth.
Slowly, the relationship goes to next level. Strategies are formed about their future and they start discussing. By the way, many of the relationships don't reach this level - the same way many firms peter out in the first few years of their existence or taken over by somebody else! The hero finally gets the big nod that he wants from his girl. Again, this also doesn't happen most of the time. Many a time, the hero gets friend-zoned, or what I call 'lack of vision' from the hero's end. If you lack foresight and the capacity to think long term, you are bound to fail sooner than later.
In Indian scenario, it's hardly enough if the boy and girl are okay with it. There are other factors in the external environment which have influence on the success of this firm now consisting of two people.
There are various stakeholders who I would like to consider more powerful than a typical Board of Directors and shareholders of any company - parents of the boy, girl's parents, their parents, boy's career, girl's career, cousins, relatives, boy's friends, girl's friends, society, and astrology. Getting to the last phase of this framework is fraught with dangers from all of these factors. The top management (parents) buy-in is not that easy to achieve. You got to have your project presentation ready with all its scope and limitations! No one knows how it will end. In this uncertain environment it is difficult to operate. Some amount of dynamism is fine, but there is no research evidence that the end of this stage is best. (Success rate of love stories ending happily is unknown, also the success of love stories that ended in marriage is also a big question. Further empirical evidence is required to establish these facts)
Without questioning the intent of the would-be couple now, let's assume they swim through these ordeals with great fortitude and end in marriage, the big question arrives - is this worth so much effort? Is this the best solution available to reach marriage stage? No one accounts for the finances and emotional trauma involved in reaching the final stage by this method. Is there any easier way to get to the final stage by cutting costs, saving time and effort? We don't always search for alternatives when faced with a problem - there's a tendency to jump into the first solution available. Not that there's anything wrong with it. In this world, the line of demarcation between right and wrong is constantly thinning, but that's for some other day.
There's something called equifinality - which simply means there are many ways to skin a cat. You get the hint? May be you did... More about it later. I have confused you enough - that's the first aim of strategy!
மீண்டும் சந்திப்போம்! விரைவில்...
Disclaimer 2: This post is not intended to harm any particular individual. எல்லாரும் நல்ல இருங்க!
"Made for each other"
"Awesome" [ with 'N' number of hashtags ]
If you are one of those people admiring facebook posts like that one and wishing fervently that it happens to you some day in the near future, I am here to throw some cold water on your face. And for those people who are double (my favourite term for those who are not single) right now, I don't give a damn. Love, dating, relationships... are way too overrated in this digital world. And social networking websites, Whatsapp, Snapchat and other communication monsters have convincingly sold this point to the larger population that it's the 'in' thing to find that special some one during college days or school days for posterity.
These buildups (a South Indian slang word which means building a mountain out of a mole hill) are usually followed up with some home-cooked stories about arranged marriage, all of them showing arranged marriages in bad light. Now that I am nearing 'that' age inevitably and interacting to some extent on those lines, the time has come to give some enlightenment to the world.
Now that the context is set, get ready for some gyaan!
Disclaimer 1: This is not going to be one of those articles that say '10 reasons why arranged marriage is the best thing in the world' kind of stuff. I am not that intelligent to come up with things like that out of nowhere. If you are in a serious relationship or anything like that out of choice or out of no other choice, reading beyond this is at your own risk. The author is not responsible for your retrospection post this! [அவசர பட்டுட்டோமோன்னு யோசிச்சா நான் பொறுப்பில்லை!]
My most intellectually stimulative post begins...
I have a strong liking for Strategy. It's the closest I can find to a game of Chess. So I ll play to my strengths.
Let's start with a scenario. A boy wants to find a girl for him, or the other way around (well, I don't want to sound patriarchal!). What all he should do? Find someone, interact, bring some Chemistry and blah blah. Without getting into the details, let's make a framework for this ordeal, so that our thinking is more organized.
We will call this framework - the resource based model of finding a spouse
 |
| Clarity of thought is important! |
First of all, resources are limited. You got to get down to reality once in a while. There's a lot of things to focus his efforts on - studies, career, hobbies, developing personality, self-discovery, planning for future, random travels, movies and what not. Where does he have the time for girls? Just for the sake of argument, I give him the benefit of doubt. He takes time to analyze his resources and capabilities and all the ground work required to find a girl. [ஆர்வ கோளாறு புடிச்சவன் ]
 |
| Focus! |
The hero, armed with his own insights, sets sights on some one he thinks will be the one for him. In other words, he wants to get into the industry where he believes he can outperform his competitors! [பஸ் இருந்தா கண்டிப்பா 100 பேர் ஓட்ட பாப்பான்!] Okay, some people who lack purpose in life might not jump into the 'one' on the first attempt. I would like to intervene here. If you want a trial and error method for this task, well, go ahead and waste your resources. Besides, this article is not about dating - this is about finding a spouse The aim of this post is to generate common sense and analyze this whole spouse-finding ordeal from a scientific perspective. Coming back to the framework, he finds a girl who gives him some hints - that's a good response to drive home his competitive advantage.
 |
| That's the lottery! |
The hero wants to penetrate (purely from a marketing perspective, don't get me wrong) this niche market (girl), does some research and mental forecasting and wants to proceed. He goes ahead and spends time, money and efforts on this prospect (attractiveness). There's a clear lack of future planning in the initial stages, thinking is mostly short-term. Similar to what happens to most startup companies, a strategic focus is missing in the initial stages. The journey goes on mundane tasks like meeting for coffee, chilling out in the beach, texting, snapchatting, so on and so forth.
 |
| Eeeee :) |
Slowly, the relationship goes to next level. Strategies are formed about their future and they start discussing. By the way, many of the relationships don't reach this level - the same way many firms peter out in the first few years of their existence or taken over by somebody else! The hero finally gets the big nod that he wants from his girl. Again, this also doesn't happen most of the time. Many a time, the hero gets friend-zoned, or what I call 'lack of vision' from the hero's end. If you lack foresight and the capacity to think long term, you are bound to fail sooner than later.
In Indian scenario, it's hardly enough if the boy and girl are okay with it. There are other factors in the external environment which have influence on the success of this firm now consisting of two people.
 |
| Aprom thambi, sollunga! |
There are various stakeholders who I would like to consider more powerful than a typical Board of Directors and shareholders of any company - parents of the boy, girl's parents, their parents, boy's career, girl's career, cousins, relatives, boy's friends, girl's friends, society, and astrology. Getting to the last phase of this framework is fraught with dangers from all of these factors. The top management (parents) buy-in is not that easy to achieve. You got to have your project presentation ready with all its scope and limitations! No one knows how it will end. In this uncertain environment it is difficult to operate. Some amount of dynamism is fine, but there is no research evidence that the end of this stage is best. (Success rate of love stories ending happily is unknown, also the success of love stories that ended in marriage is also a big question. Further empirical evidence is required to establish these facts)
Without questioning the intent of the would-be couple now, let's assume they swim through these ordeals with great fortitude and end in marriage, the big question arrives - is this worth so much effort? Is this the best solution available to reach marriage stage? No one accounts for the finances and emotional trauma involved in reaching the final stage by this method. Is there any easier way to get to the final stage by cutting costs, saving time and effort? We don't always search for alternatives when faced with a problem - there's a tendency to jump into the first solution available. Not that there's anything wrong with it. In this world, the line of demarcation between right and wrong is constantly thinning, but that's for some other day.
There's something called equifinality - which simply means there are many ways to skin a cat. You get the hint? May be you did... More about it later. I have confused you enough - that's the first aim of strategy!
மீண்டும் சந்திப்போம்! விரைவில்...
Disclaimer 2: This post is not intended to harm any particular individual. எல்லாரும் நல்ல இருங்க!
Great..
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